is it ok if i stab you in the eye with this here pencil?

i almost went all chicken mcnugget crazy up in my local mcdonalds fine dining establishment tonight. i posted this on facebook earlier but i had a standoff with the cashier over coca cola. i ordered my #4 and when asked what i wanted to drink i said “coke.” the lady says to me “we don’t have coke” to which i said “like you are out?” and she says “no. like we dont serve it” um, WTF?!? coke is the official sponsor of 3 things: 1. mcdonalds, 2. the olympics, and 3. diabetes. i was just fixing to jump out of my car and give her the old drive through beat down when i decided that i would tell her to please cancel my order and that i would take my mcdonalds order elsewhere. she was quite confused and asked “because we don’t have coke?” um, yes the hell i am. i don’t even buy fast food from restaurants that serve pepsi (with the exception of arby’s and that’s only because they lace their arby’s sauce with cocaine and nicotine [that’s the only rational explination for it to be as addicting as it is] and they serve dr. pepper, which i can be down with).

this whole interchange reminded me of all the times that i have been asked “is pepsi ok?” eff no it isnt. is it ok if i stab you in the eye with this here pencil? it’s not these people’s fault so i usually squelch the rude and respond “no, i’ll have *insert iced tea, lemonade, or root beer*” and jerry usually looks at me in horror as soon as the question begins to form at the servers lips because he knows and fears what my response will be. the absolute WORST is when they don’t bother to ask and they serve me up a steaming cup of nasty. its one thing if i know what im getting (and sometimes im even down w/ pepsi) but i dont like surprises. i realize that some people don’t get hot over the difference, but there is a definite faction of the population that will cut you with a butter knife for trying to pull a pepsi slicky on them. (and i guess vica versa). i suppose i fall somewhere in the middle. i definitely care, but i won’t pelt you with french fries either… unless i’ve been on a diet and haven’t had a coke in 4 months almost and then you step to me with some “we don’t serve it” nonsense. check yourself mcdonalds cashier or at least don’t act like you’ve never heard of a mcdonalds that sells coke. if you think my son is a terror during a blood sugar meltdown, you aint seen nothing yet.

speaking of my son… he is really loving his new weekly activity of little gym. he enjoys it so much so that today he pulled the towels off the towel rack and was going all parallel bar on that shit. i ran out of the shower when he was mid-ankles to the bar and we had a discussion about swinging on bathroom fixtures. he didnt’ go back to do it again, but he did ride the bathtub faucet like a pony screaming “yeehaw!” “YEEHAW!” you can take the boy out of texas, but you can’t take the texas out of the boy.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Gayle Macdonald
    Aug 26, 2011 @ 22:32:01

    I’m more of the “Jerry” type. I love coke the best but will be kinda OK with a substitute. But my sweet southern gentleman of a husband will shoot blood out of his eyes at the mere mention of anything on the menu other than coke.


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