Jesus. God. help me.

after yesterday I was prayerful that today would go better. I don’t even want to get into yesterday. I have TTSD (Terrorist Toddler Stress Disorder). let’s just say that I sent a few smoke signals up yesterday that today would be better.

this morning was pretty good. Clara got over whatever drama it was yesterday that was making her need to be dining at the breastaurant nonstop. the weather was nice and jack kept saying “oupsite” (outside), so I put everyone in their swim diapers and out we went.

I really have no idea what swim diapers are good for because 5 minutes into our outside adventures, Jack had a very wet thong and Clara sharted and poop went running all down her legs and onto her chair. since we were at the baby pool, I stripped her down and dipped her butt-neked into the baby pool. I wiped her off and the cold water shock helped her remember how hungry she was. I couldn’t very well leave my 19 month old playing alone in the pool outside while I went inside. (don’t even tell me that I could bring him inside too bc that would have started world war drew). so, I did what any person desperate to have a good day would do… I picked up my naked baby, pulled down my tanktop and fed her. I have no privacy fence either. these are desperate times.

after swimming, j napped and c ate for 3 straight hours. in the meantime, I was phone accosted by a terd telemarketer. at one point he said “you aren’t going to hang up on me are you? I didn’t peg you as the rude type.”. I might not of been the rude type before but that sure turned me into one.

jack woke up in prime form from his nap. I thought babies were the ones who were supposed to scream non-stop. I have a 19 month old who obviously has one very loud and pissed off demon living in his vocal cords.

events of this afternoon: he told me he was hungry. I took him to the fridge and let him pick his food. he picked rice. I gave him some and he picked up his bowl and placed it on his head like a hat and then started screaming a shrill window bursting scream. (he did continue eating it though. he just started picking the rice out of his hair like monkeys do lice. keepin’ it classy) next, he asked me for a sip of water and poured a just opened bottle of water out on the couch. then, he walked to the bookcase and pulled off every single book. I looked up from feeding Clara when I heard pages of books being ripped. is there a destruction stage before the terrible twos? this is either a stage or I’m going to have to keep lighters and scissors hidden from him until he goes off to college. he also tried to use his sister as his step ladder today. I caught him before he got moving to good on that one. it’s like I can see his little naughty wheels turning under that thick skull of his. right now he is jumping on the couch for the millionth time today. I continually tell him he will hurt himself and he doesn’t listen. I’m sure it’s a metric shitton of fun, but I’d really rather not have to deal w/ a full-body cast.

please tell me that this is just a boy thing and that I didn’t sign up for this twice. Jesus. God. please help me!

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