and God bless eh-mo, amen.

my son started praying with us lately.  in other words, every night when we used to pray before bed or at meals when we would pray over our food he used to be silent (or rifling through the goodies on his plate, or picking his nose, or doing whatever toddlers do.  he is a mixed bag)  anyway, when his grandparents were here he started saying his prayers too.  they go something like this:

“eh-mo, eh-mo, eh-mo, eh-mo.  eh-mo, ahhhhhhh eh-mo”  (eh-mo = elmo) 

i really don’t know what elmo has done to require such emphatic, constant, and vigilant prayer but i am pretty sure he has gotten himself in some deep shit.  let’s all take a moment of silence for eh-mo.

*moment of silence*

speaking of moments of silence, the family all packed up into the truck yesterday and headed to greeley, co to stay with my cousin and her husband for the 4th.  our whole intention behind the trip was to ensure that we were in town and in position for the 4th of july parade in downtown mayberry greeley.  apparently it’s totally cool in greeley (not only cool but encouraged) for people to lay claim to their parade spots weeks before the parade happens.  my cousin went down a month or so ago and staked off a little square of land for us for the parade. 

we mississippians are typically a bit skeptical that people would honor any kind of stake in the ground situation before a parade. i mean, hell, we have mardi gras parades in mississippi that are so thick with people that you end up miles from where you started and you would swear that you didn’t even pick up a foot.  the tide of sweaty, drunk, old rednecks dressed like they got drenched in purple rain and gold leaf just move you right along.  anyway, surprisingly when we got to our designated spot the stakes still stood.  there was however, a family of folks that had parked their backsides in our spots.  the couple next to us (incidentally rednecks, but they were colorado rednecks so i am assuming that they come from a tree that at least has one branch and have a good dental hmo) told us that “those peoples gots to honor that.  you jus’ tell ’em.  theys gots to move”  we complied because classy redneck or not, we decided that ignoring their advice would get us run off the parade route on this most patriotic of holidays.  and we all know that no one and i do mean no one is more patriotic than a redneck.  except maybe a drunk redneck in a dollar store american flag t-shirt and that, folks, is precisely what we were dealing with.

anyway, the situation was handled amicably.  at least 3 of the 4 people plopped in our section spoke english and the thankfully i only know enough spanish to have caught on that the 1 that didn’t speak english was not pleased.  to what degree of not pleased i do not know.  i wasn’t too worried about it though because i am pretty sure that our new redneck friends could fashion a shiv from a tree stick and they’d have our back.  truthfully though, this little town is so quant and mayberryesque that i really did think “i’m sure the cops would sort this out for us”  ha.  it’s not like they have better things to do like glittering up their horses hooves or putting glitter weave in their tails.  oh wait, damn.  that’s exactly what they were doing.


"i lead the pigeons to the flag"


and last but not least, i would like to point out that jerry took the opportunity of us watching the bachelorette tonight to give his 8 week old daughter her first life lessons on dating.   yes, yes i know that she doesn’t have control over her eyes or head, or well, any part of her body yet but daddy wanted to make sure she knew exactly how a lady it to behave.  here are a few of the gems: 1. never kiss on how first date.  2. all the people on that show are going to get mono.  3. don’t date a douchecanoe. 

you are welcome.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Cindy L. Reckhart
    Jul 05, 2011 @ 10:00:38

    You do know that your husband was schooled in, and brought up in, pure redneck. Those Colorado rednecks probably recognized that in him, and that’s why they had your back! Why, Jerry’s been at weddings where our cousins mooned their own grandmother! Now how much more redneck does it get!


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