mother of the year

i think the best way to start this post is with this picture:

i am not thrilled that my son started drinking at 18 months, but i absolutely will not him tolerate drinking before noon on saturday.

this was my first week with the dueling nuggets.  days 1 and 2 were fine.  big boy was a recovering from the big week so he took 2.5 hour naps in the morning and 2.5 hour naps in the afternoon.  thats right 5 of 9 hours that jerry was away, he slept.  i gots lots of snuggle time with lil c. (defintely not the lil c from sytycd- my little clara.)  i also got all domestic diva up in here. the house was spotless everyday right up until j came home from work and the 4-6 witching hour for my son.

so monday and tuesday were so good that i thought it would be smooth sailing and then wednesday happened.  i got a glimpse into the terrible twos and i dont like it.  i dont like it one bit.  it’s not so much that he was bad as it was that he wouldn’t listen to reason.  surprise, surprise a 1.5 year old can’t reason with me.  this, i fear, will be increasingly frustrating as his vocabulary continues to expand.  i mean, if the kid can say “cow, mooooooo” why can’t he understand that pressing the button that says ‘test’ on the carbon monoxide detector means that it’s going to beep very loudly and scare the pants off of him?  (incidentally, it took us 4 screaming/crying tries before this lesson was learned the hard way).  he also decided on wednesday to go all mike tyson on me and hit me.  oh helllllllssssss to the no.  i have never been so mad at a person less than 36″ tall.  (and no, jenn arnold has never stirred anger in my heart.  how could she?  she is so darn cute) anyways, when he swung at me i was too stunned to duck and so he got me square in the eye.  then i was like an angry pirate w/ only one functioning eye.  i set him down and told him “get out of my sight” he either understood my words or he understood the anger in my voice.  he didn’t get a spanking, he didn’t even get a timeout.  MOMMY got a timeout.  and that was fine.  jman got to spend a little QT with himself in his bedroom shortly after.  i put him in his room with his toys and went away.  he played and then napped.  i stewed and then napped.  when i woke up all was forgiven.  this, however, will not be a trend that we will be continuing.  the “naughty spot” is all warmed up and ready for action if he EVER tries that again. 
thursday was mostly better, but he was still so tired.  thursdays are soccer practice days and this was the first time i was going to be on my own at soccer with j and c.  i drove all the way to the soccer field and almost didn’t get out of the car.  i knew j was still tired, but figured the show must go on.  i strapped c into the carrier in the front, the o2 slung over my back, and j on my hip.  we were off.  the first 45 minutes were fine.  he was his usual happy man self and cheerfully went about kicking the balls and attempting to pull down the coaches shorts.  yeah, that’s not embarrassing at all… around the 45 minute mark though he was melting faster than an m and m in your hand.  (i don’t care what hersey says… m and ms melt in your hand too, damnit) i have to give the kid some credit though.  it was 85 degrees and humid and he did hang on about 10 minutes longer than the rest of them, but you can only listen to so much crying going on around you before you crack under pressure.  with about 20 minutes left in the practice, ALL of the kids were flopping about crying, screaming, and running off the field.  the coach looked as if he wished the ground would open and swallow him up.  i felt pretty similar.  im fairly certain that practice ended about 10 minutes early that day.  i don’t think a single parent was sorry.  i have never seen parents scramble to the car with their kids so quickly.  ever seen cockroaches when you turn on the light?  now, imagine those same cockroaches high on crack.  that, my friends, was us, the parents of the lil kickers. 
big j is home with me this weekend.  i am hoping the parental reinforcement will do me and my sanity some good.  so far this morning j has disappeared into the kitchen to retrieve a beer, banged on the piano, and twirled in place until he got so dizzy that he fell down.  i think i am headed to target to get a baby pool.  if the weather is going to be 90 and sunny, we are going to take advantage.  and by we, i mean me.  i will get a suntan.  i will get a suntan.  i WILL get a suntan.

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